Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
