they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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