just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
