I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
