Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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