somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
