You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
