your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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