i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
