you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
