Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
