I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
