Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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