shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
try to milk me bitch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
