She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i've created a new STD.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
