the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize