Life is so much better after having sex.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize