I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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