What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
