New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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