I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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