I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
