If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
