you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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