I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's shark week go big or go home
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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