i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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