Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
