Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize