but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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