do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
