I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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