rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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