Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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