I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
