Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
