you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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