i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
