problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize