just come out here and I will go home with you...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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