p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
