we have officially lost it.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
