After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
