im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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