found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
