I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
People in love make me want to vomit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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