How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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