Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I faked an abortion last night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
