hell yes lets make some ravioli
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i love accidental penises.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
