I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
