You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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