I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
