it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
did i walk over a car last night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
