Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
