a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
