don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
