Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
