now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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