I wish I only lived at night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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