I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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