shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
