Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize