it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
