so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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