i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
