It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
