So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
