I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
These tits shall not be calmed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
