idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
