Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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