What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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