What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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