So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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