she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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