Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
