You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
