i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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