she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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