You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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