we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize