i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
