Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
