Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So much rum. So many feels.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
