yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
