dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
