so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
