Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
