matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
