Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize