i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
