I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize