Im at strip club and am horny
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
