think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
