and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
