i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
