It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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