gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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