My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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