If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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