i can't believe i had my finger in that
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
