dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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