I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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