we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
