had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
