i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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