all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
