I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
