he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
