So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
