I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
